The Unlovely

Yesterday I felt beautiful, but today I feel ugly. This is uncommon only in the sense that I often think that I am beautiful, whereas most people will never believe that about themselves.
Frequently I even border on thinking I am smokin' hot...which can be both awesome AND funny.
But other days I feel like I will never again have the opportunity to find love because people don't seem to look past physical appearance long enough to discover the person underneath.

So often people will come to me and say that a "good man" won't care about appearance. If somebody knows a good man who doesn't care about appearance, please let me know. I have met good men, who understand that appearance isn't everything...but they still care, dash it all.

People can't help themselves. How many of us can stand and say that we absolutely do not judge others based on their appearance? We may know better, we may try our best, and we may succeed to a certain degree...but we see a bum on the street and we make assumptions about their desire to find work, or we see a girl with enormous amounts of make-up and instantly believe that we understand her insecurity. I find that even though I deeply understand the pain of being judged based on my appearance, I still can't resist the occasional judgment. I catch myself, give myself a slap on the wrist...then turn around and do the same dang thing again.

So here I am, torn between two forms of thought.

#1. It doesn't matter what you look like, it's who you are inside that matters.

#2. The more beautiful you are, the more people will value you.

I know that there is only one politically correct answer, and that people all around the world would shriek if they even knew that I was contemplating both answers equally. So I thought I would take an honest look.

Inner Beauty

• Inner beauty is what determines a persons value in the eyes of God. If you have a heart that seeks good and just things, the fruit of your life will show it. 
• Most of us have experienced meeting a beautiful person with a hard or wicked heart. We no longer see them quite the same. The absence of inner beauty detracts from their outward appearance. 
• Even though I know that outer beauty without inner beauty sucks, I can't seem to value the one without the other. If I am ugly on the outside, then who will care what's underneath? Scientists have pointed out repeatedly how a certain head shape indicates whether someone has a big enough brain to have a good life, or how a certain waist-to-hip ratio will indicate whether a woman is a good potential partner...etc. So essentially, we're all preaching what we think is right, but not actually following our own advice. "It's what is inside that matters" gets touted constantly...but who the hell is listening? 
• For crying out loud, even the Dove "Real Woman Campaign" contained gorgeous women just ever so slightly out of the norm. 10 pounds overweight, visible freckles, or a few wrinkles around the eyes. These are not real women. These are real, beautiful women. 

Outer Beauty

• Outer beauty may attract people to you, but it doesn't keep them with you. A beautiful person can find someone to date or marry, but they don't have any more or less luck at staying together than an ugly person. Sometimes they have less luck, because they haven't been forced to learn certain life lessons.
• Beauty can attract attention that is unwanted. When my sister and I are out and about, I never have a single problem with unwanted advances...whereas she'll endure the catcalls and disrespectful comments.
• Physical appearance often determines how well you will do in your career, how much money you will make, and what kind of attention you get from salespeople. I wanted to teach in Korea (I still do), but they choose beauty and physical fitness over experience (they can afford to do this as so many foreigners want to teach there). So I get punted to the wait-list based on my weight. 
• People are always telling me that popularity isn't all that it's cracked up to be. Let me just say this...I've been popular, and I've been unpopular.. Being popular is a job, with back-stabbing and emotional stress. But so is being unpopular! When no one thinks to invite you places, and you get passed over for the prettier people again and again...you begin to feel worthless. People tend to behave like they are treated. Ugliness is treated as worthlessness, so ugly people tend to feel worthless. Why can't we change this?

Conclusion

I know that being beautiful inside is the important one, I know that (theoretically) there should be a man who looks beyond my appearance and will love me, I even know that beauty isn't all it's cracked up to be. So why do I still feel less valuable? Why am I treated with more care when I dress up than when I'm in my PJ's? Frankly, I think I'm adorable in pajamas...so what the heck is wrong with everyone else?

One of the most effective campaigns I've ever seen.