Kiss Me

Kissing.

That age old expression of affection. Mother to child, friend to friend, lover to lover…kissing is pretty awesome when handled wisely (as in, don’t give your kisses away cheaply). Kissing even has health benefits. It can reduce stress, lower cholesterol, and release adrenaline into your body that burns calories and does wonders for the cardiovascular system.

So lately I realized that it’s been 2 years and 2 months since I last kissed someone (THAT kind of kissing). AND I MISS IT SO MUCH. 0_0

So I thought I would take a trip down memory lane. Maybe it will tide me over until I find somebody worth kissing.

#1. Johnny

I was 8 years old…I was loud and obnoxious and didn’t have many friends. Johnny was a sweetheart with big ears. I thought he was WONDERFUL. He once saved all of his school merits to buy me the bracelet that I wanted. He saved for months. The culmination of our relationship came on a school afternoon. I was standing at the entrance and he came up to me with a flower he had picked. I would have been delighted with just the flower, but it was accompanied by a kiss on the cheek. I was over the moon…for all of ten seconds until the other kids started to make fun of him. I was furious. I chased each one of them down and delivered an 8-year-old’s version of the wrath of God.

Johnny grew up to be one good-looking stud muffin. Much to my schoolmates’ chagrin and my absolute delight. 

#2. Jenepaul

Jenepaul was my favorite friend in my early adolescence. We would crawl into my parents closet and talk about everything. We spent endless hours in that cramped little closet…so really, it was only a matter of time before a kiss was attempted.  We were 13 and we had been talking about what love must be like. He started tickling me in the side and told me that people who love each other kiss. My blazingly intelligent response was to tell him that if he didn’t stop tickling me that I was going to kiss him. He proceeded to tickle me more fiercely, so I threatened again…yet MORE tickling ensued. So I leaned forward and gave him the best kiss I could muster…

Right on his teeth.

The goof was smiling like only he could…this huge, blindingly beautiful smile. But in the dark of the closet I did not know this. So I had a wonderfully romantic moment with Jenepaul’s teeth. Thankfully my darling friend gave me a big hug to tell me that it was okay and ease my humiliation.

Jenepaul grew up to be one of the most gorgeous men on the planet. He’s gone now, and has left broken hearts behind him.

#3. Steve

Steve was a boy from England that my parents set me up with. They met him while they were in England and he and I started writing each other. He was a charmer and several years older than me. He came to stay with us for a while and I was a bit smitten. When he first arrived he tried to kiss me right off the bat and got a face full of my “Heck no! My first real kiss has to be awesome!” Poor kid. But it’s all good…he recovered well.

I was standing in the middle of the footbridge that crosses our beautiful local lake, under an umbrella, in the pouring rain, with bursts of sunset coming from the distance. He came to meet me and simply leaned down and kissed me full on the mouth…for several minutes.

I was so overwhelmed that I dropped my umbrella. So yes, there I was with my arms around the neck of a handsome Englishman while he blew my doors off in the rain. I suppose it wouldn’t hurt his ego much to hear this. It was a heady feeling…that kissing thing.

Steve is now home in England, married to a dear friend of mine, with two gorgeous little girls making his life wonderful.

#4. Sam

Sam was a New Zealander and the boy that I was about to marry. He had decided not to kiss me until he proposed, so it was pretty predictable when it happened. I was very disappointed at the sad little peck that I got, as if it was on cue. What followed however, changed the story.

He proposed at the bottom of a mountain in the middle of a waterfall. This would have been great if he hadn’t been so darn predictable. What I hadn’t predicted however, was his insane plan for the day. He proposed, kissed me, and informed me that we would be climbing the mountain…in our nice clothes…without supplies. So off we trotted up this stupid mountain. When we made it to the top of the ridge that we had aimed for it began to pour buckets of rain, as only the rainy season in New Zealand can do. So we began our descent with dry clothes and solid ground, and ended looking like mud monsters.

Halfway down we stopped, absolutely covered in mud and grass, and started to laugh out loud. He leaned in and put his ridiculously muddy hand on my ridiculously muddy face and kissed me for real. The buzz was intense (kissing buzz, not bug buzz). We slid, kissed, slid, kissed, slid…etc. all the way down that mountain.

Sam is now married in New Zealand and working on his Doctorate. The boy is an entomologist.
This is very funny, so you may laugh.

#5. David

David was my introduction to cheap kisses. Sam had left me just before our wedding and I was reeling. So when David pursued me with fervor, I leaned towards him. He kissed me many times, and well. But his kisses were selfish rather than loving, and his intent was conquest rather than a future. Even though kisses may be good, if you are in the business of selling them for love…they will do nothing but harm.

#6. Roman

            As the avalanche goes…

Came Roman. A very handsome, caring friend (sort of) who went to console me after David left me for another woman. Roman and I lasted for all of 2 hours as I discovered two things. #1. I do not like wet, sloppy kisses. #2. Being consoled right after a break-up is a bad idea.

           

#7. Tim

My Asian boy. We graduated together, road tripped together, and saw each other through almost all of our other relationships. He was my BFF. So it was inevitable that we would fall for each other. He startled the ever-loving daylights out of me the first time he kissed me. It was Christmas and the twerp simply leaned forward and kissed me under the mistletoe. He was a damn good kisser.

Tim left when I was pregnant, see the beginning of my blog.

So now…years after my last kiss, I wonder if I will ever get to kiss again? That kissing thing, it’s pretty intense.

Update: It's now been 4 years and 9 months.