Once upon a time I was married, childless, traveling the world and trying for the 15th time to go from a plus-size shopping restriction to full-blown mall clothing glory. We fat, married, and adventurous types tend to think that we need everything under control. So when I went in for a pregnancy test, I was fully expecting a negative result. In a world where I controlled the situation, an unexpected pregnancy would be inconceivable.
But the dashing of my delusional world came quickly, too quickly. Before my nurse had even fully entered the room she had already blurted it out. "Yup. You are extremely pregnant" came out of her mouth in a slow motion that I didn't think actually existed outside of the cinema. She handed me a mountain of pamphlets (including information on how to abandon my child legally, which struck me as both ridiculous and surreal) and left me alone in the room. I fell apart. I barely made it out to the parking lot where my mother was waiting in the car for me. One look at my tear-soaked face told her everything she needed to know, and my older, wiser mother showed her foresight by bursting into squealing giggles. But at the time I didn't comprehend the awesomeness of the situation, and all I could see was the tragedy. And here she was...my support system, my strength in times of trial, my rock of Gibraltar, showing ZERO compassion for my grand drama. Worse, she was excited. My mother was off her bleeding rocker with excitement, and all I could feel was dread.
My husband wasn't any better, grinning and giggling like a school-boy. I was miffed. My life of freedom, travel and trail-blazing was going up in the abysmal flames of destruction, and all anyone could do was behave joyously. "Well!" I thought to myself, "It isn't their body or their life that's changing for all eternity...bunch of snot-faced burgerflimps, so of course they're all bloody excited".
Looking back from my new world, I wish that I had already known what I was on the road to learning, a husband's sex addiction and eventual departure, a health crisis quickly spiraling into the danger-zone, and a baby who felt everything that I felt and who I would come to love more than the air I breathe. But if I had known everything, I never would have learned anything. So here it is, my first post. If anyone is listening, be warned...I'll probably spill out more of my soul here than anywhere else in the world, if only because it isn't likely that anyone is listening.
So watch out for stories from my past, present, and future, tips on how to save lots of money, my political opinions, and anything else that fully encompasses the narcissistic tendencies of my generation. Yay me!
But the dashing of my delusional world came quickly, too quickly. Before my nurse had even fully entered the room she had already blurted it out. "Yup. You are extremely pregnant" came out of her mouth in a slow motion that I didn't think actually existed outside of the cinema. She handed me a mountain of pamphlets (including information on how to abandon my child legally, which struck me as both ridiculous and surreal) and left me alone in the room. I fell apart. I barely made it out to the parking lot where my mother was waiting in the car for me. One look at my tear-soaked face told her everything she needed to know, and my older, wiser mother showed her foresight by bursting into squealing giggles. But at the time I didn't comprehend the awesomeness of the situation, and all I could see was the tragedy. And here she was...my support system, my strength in times of trial, my rock of Gibraltar, showing ZERO compassion for my grand drama. Worse, she was excited. My mother was off her bleeding rocker with excitement, and all I could feel was dread.
My husband wasn't any better, grinning and giggling like a school-boy. I was miffed. My life of freedom, travel and trail-blazing was going up in the abysmal flames of destruction, and all anyone could do was behave joyously. "Well!" I thought to myself, "It isn't their body or their life that's changing for all eternity...bunch of snot-faced burgerflimps, so of course they're all bloody excited".
Looking back from my new world, I wish that I had already known what I was on the road to learning, a husband's sex addiction and eventual departure, a health crisis quickly spiraling into the danger-zone, and a baby who felt everything that I felt and who I would come to love more than the air I breathe. But if I had known everything, I never would have learned anything. So here it is, my first post. If anyone is listening, be warned...I'll probably spill out more of my soul here than anywhere else in the world, if only because it isn't likely that anyone is listening.
So watch out for stories from my past, present, and future, tips on how to save lots of money, my political opinions, and anything else that fully encompasses the narcissistic tendencies of my generation. Yay me!
I can't express to you how interesting that was to read, you have a way in writing that pageturners are formed of. You have the talent I would so excitingly read a bulky novel written by you.
ReplyDelete