I was 17 the day I had my first profound encounter with abortion.
I grew up Pro-Life. I wasn't Pro-Life because my parents were (even though I can't deny that they were influential), I wasn't Pro-Life because of the expectations of my peers (quite the opposite actually), and I wasn't Pro-Life because of ignorance. I was Pro-Life because I decided early on that every single person has an inestimable value.
But at 17 I hadn't worked through my beliefs fully, and I was just coasting along on the surface of things.
Then one morning I got a call from my cousin. She was pregnant, and she had an appointment set for the abortion. So I did the only thing I knew how to do, I asked her what it would take to change her mind. I told her that I would do anything, ANYTHING, to stop her. I told her that I would adopt her baby.
She agreed. She said that if I would adopt and raise her baby, she wouldn't have the abortion. So I went to tell my parents that I was about to become a teen mom. I wept about the consequences that I faced, I struggled with the idea that my life was about to alter drastically, and I leaned on the knowledge that my family would help me through this. In my memory, I was absolutely fervent in my desire to save and raise this baby. My mom and I talked through the night about the realities that we now faced...both the difficult and the wonderful.
The next day I waited by the phone for the promised call, so that we could discuss how best to go about the situation.
No call came.
Two days later I ran to the ringing phone for the hundredth time, and it was finally her. I started to tell her all of the plans we had made and how we could help her through it all when she stopped me and told me that she had just aborted her baby.
She said that if she had to experience the entire pregnancy and the birth that she wouldn't be able to give up the baby, and she didn't want to experience that kind of emotional pain. She also said that she wasn't ready for a child as she had so much life to live.
My world shattered in my head and my heart fell to pieces. I have never forgotten the pain. Or the anger.
When I was 13 years old, the blockbuster "Titanic" hit the theaters with a vengeance. Like any reasonably cool teenager, I went to see it. For the majority of the film I was unimpressed with stupid people. Sex, selfishness, and hopelessness have never been things that I enjoy in my media (call me a prude, it's probably true). But all in all I was indifferent to the film...until the end. The death of Jack? I could have cared less. But as the camera panned over the water full of frozen, dead bodies, it came across a young mother clutching her dead infant to her frozen bosom. It didn't even take an instant before I burst into sobbing tears. The very idea that half the boats were barely filled, and most of them full of adults while a tiny infant was left to die absolutely devastated me.
I have HATED that movie ever since. To this day I hold an intense grudge against the storytelling habits of James Cameron.
So before I ever had my daughter, I was deeply emotional about children. Movies that had small children suffer or die would leave me in a curled up ball on the floor. Songs that touched on the subject had similar reactions. And God forbid I was actually present when a child was being picked on. I once head-butted a football player 5 years my senior in the groin for throwing a little boy.
But then it happened. I had a baby of my very own. What was intense before became unbearable now. The absolute love for this tiny human utterly rearranged my DNA. Sometimes I look at her and my love is so big that it becomes painful to contain.
And suddenly I felt something...something deep and searing. The immense pain of millions of mothers who have had lives torn from their bodies. Whether by choice or by force, the depth of the loss is no different. Over the past 10 years I have had countless encounters with mothers, fathers, daughters, and sons all deeply and traumatically affected by abortion. And it hasn't mattered whether or not they were Pro-Choice or Pro-Life. It hasn't mattered whether or not they believed that their choice was the right one. Beyond the opinions, politics, and personal feelings...every single one of them still carries an
--> immeasurable burden of suffering because of what was done.
So here I am, with two conflicting emotions. One is a frantic, painful desire to stop the murder of millions of children. The other is the immense and abiding pain for the mothers and fathers who live with the consequences of their decisions. I am angry and frustrated and in pain. How could you? Mothers and fathers! How can you take the very thing that is our greatest gift and accomplishment and reduce it to an inconvenience to be disposed of? In an effort to be self-fulfilled we are murdering the very beings that give us our greatest fulfillment.
And then I remember the terror and depression that I dealt with when I discovered that I was pregnant. If, instead of support and wisdom, I had been surrounded with people who told me to think of myself and kill my child...I may have done the same. In my selfishness and foolishness I may have killed my darling Mina. What if I had been encouraged to abort like so many women are? Would I have done the same?
Thank God that I had people around me full of wisdom, encouragement, and support. Thank God that I had a basic understanding of how precious that little baby was. Thank God that God was with me.
My heart aches for those that do not have what I had. My heart aches for those who now understand a level of loss that no human should ever have to experience. And my heart aches for the millions upon millions of valuable and precious babies that have had to experience the pain and terror of abortion.
Love is our only hope, love is our only answer, and love is where I run to in the face of this holocaust.
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." - 1st Corinthians 13:4-7
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