A Wedding Tale

May 23rd, 2007:
I was curled up on a hotel bed, BEGGING my mother to hit me with a car the night before my wedding so that I wouldn't have to go through with it. Considering the ridiculous content of the request, I can understand why she chocked it up to nerves and worked to calm me down. I made it to sleep with misgivings and dread. To this day I'm glad I married him, because I got Mina out of the deal...but still!

May 24th, 2007:

I got up full of terror and adrenaline and made my way to the church for the typical beautification. I was there first but was quickly followed by my 7 bridesmaid retinue. Which...I would like to point out, WAS NOT MY FAULT. o_0 Tim had so many guys he wanted in the wedding that I had to pick way more girls than I had intended. But it turned out well...as I still love every single one of them.

Krista and Rasmey...two of the most beautiful girls on Earth.

My cousin Anna, who was awesome and did the styling with help from my cousin Abby. This is Tim getting all gussied up.

Heather, my sis and Maid of Honor. Also known as Rapunzel.

The Dress That Weighed 75 LBS.

Yes, I've always been a bit vain.

So until this point I had been caught up in the hustle and bustle of preparation. But all of a sudden I found myself taking a moment to breathe...and the panic sunk in.
I ran outside and my mom followed me...only to receive a barrage of brilliantly deduced and logically thought out reasons why hitting me with the car would be the best thing to do. My two best were...

#1. She only had to tap me to give me an excuse to head to the hospital.
#2. It would give me a way out that didn't hurt Tim or piss people off.

But instead of acknowledging the brilliance of my plan, she called for back-up. Out trotted the Pastor and I got systematically coaxed back into that den of destruction. This is where it gets good...

My dear, well-meaning friend Kathleen came up to me with a bag of white pills, saying that they worked like Ibuprofen and would calm my nerves. So I took the same amount of pills that I would take if they were, indeed, IBUPROFEN. Sadly, what was actually contained in that little baggie (my first clue should have been...THE BAGGIE) was Vicodin.

So yup. I got stoned. On my wedding day. 1/2 an hour before the ceremony.
The good news? I was no longer trying to back out of the wedding. The bad news? I couldn't get my feet under me. I was sitting in the church basement, with stars dancing in front of my face, feeling like there was no way in royal tarnation that I was going to be able to walk down the aisle.

Unbeknownst to me, the Pastor had noticed my condition and set a chair on the stage in the likely event that I couldn't remember how to stand while reciting my vows. But really...my concern was getting to the dang stage without falling on my face. So here I was, propped (quite literally) on my father's arm while he tries to keep my heavy behind in the air as we begin the march. I took my first step...faltered...regained footing...and noticed...

That the church was full of 500 of my FAVORITE people! People EVERYWHERE! YAY ME!
So I crack-walked down that aisle, smiling like an insane person while I waved and greeted every person that I saw.
"Oh you came!"
"How have you been?"
"I've missed you so much! How is your sister?"

All the way to Tim...I was having conversations with my guests, including a few people that I did not know.

Casey and Jess

Donovan and Rasmey

Shannon and Lea

Steve and Krista

Danny and Lisa

Josh and Vee

Casey and Heather

Josh and Jubie

And then there was me...

So I finally make it to Tim and it got worse. I couldn't for the life of me make myself look at him. He was all weepy and sappy looking and I kept erupting into giggles at how ridiculous it was. So instead, I spent all my attention on, and recited my vows to...the best man.

My parents...amused by me I'm sure. ;)

The Bridal Party...in its extensive glory.

Yup...STONED. 0_0

My siblings...how I adore them.

The ceremony itself is a story for another time...full of terrible preachers, hilarious mishaps...and other various disasters. ;) As for now, I was off to the reception...with an increasing need to pee and throw up because of the drugs. This caused many a scene like this...

And I didn't even get to TASTE this...

But I did get to witness this...

Dad and Jubie

And marvel at how my family turned our farmhouse porch into this...




I had so much fun at my reception that they eventually had to kick us out because we wouldn't leave. Sadly (and informatively) Tim and I didn't spend a lot of it together...we were having more fun seeing all of our friends.

My darling O'Shays! Jess, Jer, and Rach...weirdest friend pairing of all time.

NOTE: My photographer was the ever so lovely Julieanne Fry.