Love Is War

I had a reputation.

It was years in the making. It took cultivation, intention, focus, and dedication. I carefully formed it like an iron wall around my unbelievably sensitive heart. After a lifetime of hate-fueled knife-thrusts to my heart, I can still feel the blood ebbing out of my fingertips even now.

All I have wanted for as long as I can remember is to have someone cradle my shattered heart in theirs instead of turning from it in disgust. I've wanted it so badly that it made every other desire taste like ash on my tongue. It is a constant, pressing agony in my chest. Please love me. Please want who I am. Please, please, please.

Then God thrust his Aslan-claws into my dragon-hide reputation and ripped it to shreds, leaving me undefended and vulnerable. The first thing I felt was terror. My hair stood on end as I waited for the arrows to embed themselves in my body. That's when He told me to look and see what was happening around me.

Everywhere I looked, I saw people in agony. People I loved, people that had hurt me, strangers, friends, enemies...the high and the low, men and women of every race, creed, color, and age. And they were all in pain. I could almost see their need like a palpable heartbeat outside of their bodies. It pounded relentlessly, the same way it does when you've pushed yourself too far and raggedly choke oxygen back into your lungs. My daughter, my roommates, my family, my ex-husband, my accusers, my students, countless people I have never met...they were all there. I wept and asked God to help them, to help me.

"Go love them."
"I can't, I'm naked...I have nothing to defend myself with."
"I will defend you. Go love them."
"I can't. They don't love me! They won't want my love."
"You have my love. Go love them."
"What if I mess it up? I don't know how to love them!"
"My love covers a multitude of sins. Go love them."
"I'm not worthy of this, Jesus. I am unlovable."
"Love yourself as I love you. Go love them."
"I can't. I am terrified."
"My love will give you courage. Go love them."
"What if they hate me in return?"
"They hated me. They will hate you. Go love them."
"How do I do this? How do I love them"
"I will teach you. Go love them."

He is still teaching me. All this time I had thought of love as a passive and gentle thing. A thing that always feels pleasant, and comes as naturally as breathing.

I was wrong.

Sometimes love is excruciating. It's a fire that burns away what is wrong and leaves only what is right.

If God himself is the existence of pure, unadulterated love, then when we strive to be like Him, we are striving to love as He loves. And there is absolutely nothing passive about the Alpha and Omega, King above all kings.

Love is war.

It is how we fight. It is what we are meant to fight with. It is what we were meant to fight as. When someone wages war with love, the only casualty is fear...and the victory is the Lord's. We even have a blueprint! Please hear me on this...

We were given a course of action and we turned it into a platitude.

"If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don’t love, I’m nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate. If I speak God’s Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, “Jump,” and it jumps, but I don’t love, I’m nothing. If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don’t love, I’ve gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I’m bankrupt without love."


We have all heard 1 Corinthians 13 before. Some of us have it on lovely little placards on our wall. Some of us have it on a bumper sticker or a Bible case. I even knew someone that had little snippets of it painted around her room. But I want everyone to stop for a moment. Remember that you are a warrior. Set everything down and put your armor on.

"Stand firm with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God."

Now that you are equipped for battle, let's reintroduce ourselves to the strategy.


Love is patient. When is the last time you were accidentally patient? Did you just slip into a feeling of loving calm when your child ignored you for the ninth time, or when someone was unkind to you on purpose, or when the things you hope for haven't come? Patience requires effort. It is an act of battle. The more overwhelming the obstacle, the harder you have to fight.
Love is aggressively patient.

Love is kind. Sometimes we think of ourselves as kind, and we can even believe that our kindness comes naturally. But if we were truly honest with ourselves, we know that niceness and kindness are not the same thing. And kindness requires intention. It requires your head and your heart working against your own wants in favor of what will benefit the heart of those around you. It is NOT being a doormat. It IS a powerful battlefield maneuver. People's lives are changed with it.
Love is aggressively kind.

Love does not envy. Unless you are one of the rare ones, you know the struggle with envy. I have a friend who married the man she wanted most in the world, had five beautiful children, and lives the life I have always dreamed of for myself. There are people with more money, fewer struggles, less damage, a better relationship with Jesus...some are safer, smarter, kinder, funnier, more loved...etc. To not want what has been given to another is hard. To rejoice for their joy practically requires Thor-level effort.
Love aggressively does not envy.

Love does not boast. We can boil this down to pointing glory towards ourselves instead of to God or others. Each of us tends to struggle with this in different ways. We know what is best. We know that we're right. We can gift the world with our knowledge and wisdom. Most of the time when I boast, I find that I have been boasting about things I never should have been proud of in the first place. Giving Jesus the glory that belongs to Him is a struggle when it feels as if that glory could bring you what you are yearning for if only it were yours.
Love aggressively does not boast.


Love is not proud. Where boasting is the external, pride is the internal. And it lives in direct opposition to humility and love. In my fears and needs, I tend to credit myself highly. Never mind that I have nothing that God didn't give me. 
"The proud person credits himself for his attainments and advantages. The humble person counts them as blessings. The proud person feels superior to others. The humble person considers the position and welfare of others of equal importance to his own – if not greater in importance to his own." - Kirk VanOoteghem
Love is aggressively humble.

Love does not dishonor others. How often do we bring dishonor on ourselves and others? We condemn, put down, disrespect, embarrass, and besmirch people more often than we want to admit. Gossip is dishonoring. Sarcasm is often dishonoring. It can be an AGONY to refrain from dishonoring people in my own self-interest. We even hide dishonor within our hearts, thinking in ways that inevitably come marching out of our mouths.
Love aggressively does not dishonor others.

Love is not selfish. If this one is easy for you, teach me. We're born selfish. Self-seeking is the most natural act in the world. Learning to be selfless is a little like bare-knuckle brawling...you'd better have some backbone.
Love is aggressively selfless.


Love is not easily angered. I am the queen of failure in this area. My default reaction to any kind of pain is to become angry. Like a swarm of bees, or a cornered badger. When I'm scared, I get angry. Hurt? Angry. Lonely? Angry. I'm basically She-Hulk. So I can assure you, it is an act of unbridled warfare to respond in love and not anger.
Love is aggressively not easily angered.


Love keeps no record of wrongs. I'm going to be more controversial than normal here. None of us love the idea of turning the other cheek. We don't love the thought of being used and hurt by perpetual abusers. But the simple truth is that it is not our job to keep a record of past wrongs in order to make sure that wicked people don't hurt us. It's our job to love others, and to love and obey God. We will get hurt. The closer we are to where Jesus tells us to be, the more protected we are, but we will still get hurt. And we will hurt others. "Forgive us our sins as we forgive the sins of others." Do we really want God hanging on to every wicked thing we've done? God is our defender, and we have to cling to that. Truthfully, if we love like the warriors we're meant to be, then people who have evil designs toward us won't be able to stand our presence.
Love aggressively keeps no record of wrongs.


Love does not delight in evil. Satan is evil. His plans are evil. His methods are evil. And he is brilliant in his wickedness. He has been successfully tripping us up since Adam and Eve. Never be so foolish as to assume that because he is defeated he is also helpless. We are, all of us, frogs boiled slowly...becoming accustomed to evil so slowly that we convince ourselves it is good. Horror, porn, violence, abortion, hatred...all purely evil things. We know this. So why do we engage with 50 Shades of Grey? Why do we make sure to watch every episode of Game of Thrones? Why do we think horror movies are acceptable? Dirty jokes? A hateful spirit? Lust? These things should only be acceptable to the unsaved. Do you believe that Jesus would rejoice in them? He didn't go and sleep with the prostitutes...he called them to purity. He did not go on a rager with the drunkards...he called them to holiness. Our time engaging with evil must come to an end. He is calling us to love. He is calling us to holiness. Humans don't live with guilt well. We either justify our actions, or we turn from them. From one redeemed sinner to another...search your heart. Stop the justifications. We need fighters. We need love.
Love aggressively does not delight in evil.


Love rejoices with the truth. The idea that there is any instance in which the truth is not vital is absolute nonsense. The truth is a freedom-bringer. But it is also the great boat-rocker. To speak the truth can shake foundations in every area of your life. People will know that you sin. They will know that you fail. They will know your weaknesses and will try to exploit them. But as you fight through the urge to keep the truth in the dark you will discover something. The monsters that plague you grow weaker, your understanding of God's truth grows stronger, and you begin to associate the truth with freedom and relief and joy. Fear loses its grip bit by bit. When you tell the truth in love, the world alters course.
Love aggressively rejoices with the truth.


Love always protects. When I was young I was fascinated with the Knights of the Round Table. Their code of honor focused largely on their desire to defend the defenseless and protect the unprotected. I took it as a personal mission, to live by the code and defend my kingdom. But the problem is that we do not fight against flesh and blood, but against evil incarnate. As a Knight of the code, it is my honor-bound duty to defend all whom I love against the demons determined to kill them. I am called to protect my family, my friends, and even my enemies. To stand in the gap, to hold the line, to pray, uphold, and even rebuke. We have a common enemy, and it is not each other.
Love aggressively protects.


Love always trusts. The fact that love believes all things doesn't make you a fool. Trust is not the same as naïvety. The Greek word for “believes” is from the verb pisteuo, which means “to believe, place faith in, or trust.” It becomes an issue of giving love unconditionally. It isn't dependent on someone's performance or actions. When there are people undeserving of our trust, we can look beyond that and love them in the way that is needed. To believe in someone, in what they could become in Jesus, is a love that requires us to overcome our own damage.
Loves aggressively trusts.

Love always perseveres. I'm even bad at persevering at the gym. Let alone standing strong against an active enemy who is so diametrically opposed to love that he will employ any and all means necessary to end me. To persevere means to continue no matter what. To run the race, fight the fight, and face the dragon. I am never more discouraged than when I fight to love people who despise me. These are the moments I tend to fail the most intensely. I don't persevere in love, but instead, turn tail and run. Or worse, lash out defensively in a way that does active damage. We will never become the warriors we were designed to be until we can push forward despite all that comes against us.
Love aggressively perseveres.


Love. Never. Fails. If it is real, authentic love sourced directly from God...it will never fail. Put on your armor and persevere. Everyone will fail you, and you will fail everyone. Sometimes I think I fail more than I succeed. Persevere. Be patient with others, be patient with yourself. Persevere. Be kind to others, be kind to yourself.  And above all, love the Lord your God, and love your neighbor as you love yourself. Persevere.

Love never dies. Inspired speech will be over some day; praying in tongues will end; understanding will reach its limit. We know only a portion of the truth, and what we say about God is always incomplete. But when the Complete arrives, our incompletes will be canceled. When I was an infant at my mother’s breast, I gurgled and cooed like any infant. When I grew up, I left those infant ways for good.
We don’t yet see things clearly. We’re squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won’t be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We’ll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!

But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the greatest of these is love.